child abuse – Engaging Peace

I will not become what was done to me… Part 1, My Path to Peace and Social Justice Activism

Posted on January 11, 2019January 13, 2019 by kathiemm

by Reverend Dr. Doe West

Each of our journeys to the path of commitment to a life dedicated to social justice holds a story that has meaning to us very specifically. But we also find many times that our story generates resonance in others – or even shines a light into another’s darkness.

I offer my story with hopes of lighting a candle in all darkness everywhere.

The first seven years of my life were lived primarily in a closet in my mother’s room.

Also in her bed.

And often in the bathroom being very ill, as witnessed and unquestioned by our country family doctor.

I am not going to dwell here on the details of my early experiences, other than to offer that I understand those who suffer emotional, physical, and sexual abuse – as well as captivity and social deprivation.

Nor am I going to focus on my poor mother’s mental illness, which was ignored and, in some ways, enabled by the social beliefs, stigma, and fears in America in the 1950s.

What I will focus on are some of those life altering realizations/impact moments that people sometimes are allowed.

My first impact moment came when my eldest sister mentioned “the little one in mother’s bedroom” to a teacher who DID NOT IGNORE THE WORDS OF A CHILD. That teacher listened and took action to determine the possible (if not inconceivable) truth of a child’s testimony.

The first lesson was the importance of belief in what is told until or unless disproven by honest investigation.

The second lesson was the power of a witness.

And the third lesson was the power of taking action on behalf of another.

From that impact moment and the lessons learned, a cornerstone life belief / motto / mantra arose in me that led me to higher ground for the rest of my life:

I will not become what was done to me.

I could have stayed in that closet even following my removal.

I could have chosen the comfort of darkness over the terror of everything that lay outside in a world so alien to me, a world into which I was suddenly forced.

I could have chosen to keep the terror rather than undertake literally a decades-long fight to desensitize myself to touch, sound, and the pain of what can be done under the guise of words of love.

Yes, this is a story of faith. No burning bush – no voice in the dark. But yes – assuredly a tale of spiritual communion.

Note from Kathie MM: Please return to engaging peace next week so you can continue sharing sharing Dr. West’s journey to peace and social justice, and consider submitting the story of your own journey, your own movement towards hope and other superpowers.

Where it all begins, Part 2

Posted on July 24, 2017July 25, 2017 by kathiemm

By Kathie MM

As noted in my last post , if people want to move their countries from a preoccupation with war, hatred, power, threat, and punishment to the pursuit of peace, brotherly (and sisterly) love, social equality, justice, and reconciliation, the place to start is the home.

Suggestions for starting can be found in the work of Robert J. Burrowes and his “promise to children”:

“From today, I promise that I will try to no longer inflict this violence on you, including that which I call ‘punishment’ so that I can pretend that I am not using violence…

I also admit that we adults have done a bad job at looking after each other, including all of our children, and planet Earth, your home, and that you are going to have an increasingly difficult life as the natural world continues to break down. So I promise to participate in efforts being made to address all of these problems, such as that outlined in ‘The Flame Tree Project to Save Life on Earth’….

Most importantly of all, I promise that I will listen to you as best I can. See ‘Nisteling: The Art of Deep Listening’….

Oh, and finally, as best I can, I promise to love you and to respect you as a unique, beautiful and compassionate creation with a great deal to offer the world (as long as adults don’t get in your way)….”

After presenting his pledge to children, Burrowes asks, “As an adult, would you be willing to make this promise too? To whom would you make it?

He then comments, “There is no doubt that giving every child (or adult, for that matter) all of the space they need to feel, deeply, what they want to do, and to then let them do it (or to have the feelings they naturally have if someone or something prevents them from doing so) will have some dysfunctional outcomes in the short term.

This is because we have all been dysfunctionalized, to a greater or lesser extent, by the violence we have already suffered throughout our lives. But listening deeply to a child from birth (or starting today), and supporting them to act out their own Self-will, will lead to an infinitely better overall outcome than the system of emotional suppression, control and punishment of children which has generated the incredibly violent world in which we now find ourselves.”

Again, as I asked in my last post, what do you think about these ideas?

If you wish to join the worldwide movement to end all violence, including violence against children, you can sign online ‘The People’s Charter to Create a Nonviolent World’.

Pain’s pathways

Posted on May 13, 2017May 25, 2017 by kathiemm

By Kathie MM

I bit my tongue yesterday. Really, not metaphorically. It hurt like the devil.

Why do I tell you this trivial story?

Because every time I bite my tongue, which I do more often as I age, I find myself agonizing about torture.

I think how infinitesimal my pain is compared to the pain that all too many people deliberately inflict on others while proclaiming their own superiority and the justifiability of their acts.

Almost everyone knows how hurtful, how uncomfortable, how agonizing, how disrupting, how destructive life’s ordinary injuries–bad toothache, broken bone, burned hand–can be. Yet right now, around the world, there are countless people torturing other living beings in a variety of ways.

You have to ask why.

I know there are lots of reasons why some people behave cruelly towards others, particularly others who are not just different but also weaker, more defenseless than they. I also know that a penchant to hurt, punish, maim, harm others often stems from the experience of childhood maltreatment and the observation of domestic violence.

International, national, and state laws against domestic violence and child abuse have been promulgated and efforts undertaken to address these issues. Why has the United States government failed to ratify the International Convention on the Rights of the Child ? Why has there been such resistance to legislation protecting women from violence ? And for how long will international conventions against torture and cruel and inhuman treatment be flouted by U.S. government agencies ?

The record of the U.S. government in regard to torture is a sorry one indeed, as indicated in the Senate Intelligence Committee Report on CIA torture. In my view, torture–like terrorism–is a tool of tyranny and the anathema of democracy.

Please stay tuned for my upcoming series on Tyranny, Torture, and Terrorizing.

What it’s really all about

Posted on August 1, 2016August 1, 2016 by kathiemm

The argument you get from the warlords, the arms industry, the right-wing extremists, the power-seekers is that some forms of torture are needed to fight terrorism, to save lives endangered by “ticking bombs.” Bull hoowey. If you want to understand why people torture, consider the components of this definition from Miriam Webster:

Torture is “the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure.” (emphasis added)

To punish. That’s a biggie, one we’ve discussed before on this blog. The monotheistic religions “of the Book” (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), as well as countless other religions from earlier centuries, have promulgated visions of Hell in which “sinners” (e.g., violators of cultural norms, rebels against authoritarian rulers) will be punished (tortured) by eternal burning and sometimes other horrors.

That preoccupation with punishment has a broad reach and is as American as apple pie. Parents who inflict intense pain on children (e.g., whipping, burning) for “not minding their manners,” for “giving lip” or “being sassy” are inflicting torture on their children—and were often tortured themselves while growing up. Both men and women often torture their partners physically or psychologically to punish them for infidelity and other “crimes.” And racism in this country has, for centuries, been associated with the torture and murder of people of color, both in the streets and in prisons, to punish them for their differentness.

To coerce. Okay, in today’s world “coercion” could be interpreted as requiring an admission regarding the location of a ticking bomb (although there is no evidence of such a location ever having been discovered this way) but for centuries coerced confessions involved, for example, admitting that one was or was not a “good” Catholic. Think Inquisition. We may well ask how effectively torture worked to protect Catholicism from infidels and purify the image of the Roman Catholic hierarchy.

For sadistic pleasure: Heartbreakingly, torture for sadistic pleasure is widespread in the U.S. and elsewhere around the world where abuse of various forms is a part of everyday life. My guess is that every one of my readers has at some point in his or her life met someone who got pleasure from inflicting pain on some person or animal. Right?

Regardless of its purpose or motive, torture, as well as cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment, is banned at all times, in all places by international law.

Shouldn’t people of conscience be acting to resist its use in their homes, their communities, their country, and wherever their efforts can reach? Time to stop excusing it?