by Kathie MM
“My partner never took responsibility for his own actions. He blamed me incessantly, even for his own abusive behavior. When confronted, he always had some excuse to justify himself. At his hands, I was subjected to insults, put-downs, shouting, threats and sarcasm….He typically ended his verbal assaults by accusing me of provoking his abuse or telling me that I deserved it. …” [i]
Every reader of this blog recognizes this type of guy—an entitled bully who considers himself right at all times and becomes enraged at any sign of “disrespect” or threat to his “authority.” He’s the kind of guy whose behavior inspired the feminist movement–and more recently the “smash patriarchy” initiatives. And he’s everywhere.
Clearly there are many men who have respect for others, and who feel compassion and empathy for all who struggle with life’s challenges, even those who differ in gender, sexuality, skin color, faith, and/or national origins. But who is it that you see running, controlling, and bossing the “traditional families,” big corporations, military-industrial complexes, and governments? Who is it that wrote the laws, stacked the judiciaries, assumed control of the armies, and built the structures and shaped the cultures to ensure and strengthen their own power while enriching themselves? Not Sojourner Truth, not Harriet Tubman, not the Suffragettes, not Jane Addams, not Jeannette Rankin, not Rosa Parks, not Shirley Chisholm, not Medea Benjamin (and not Martin Luther King, Jr., or the many other male supporters of peace and justice, either).
So, if we want peace and justice, harmony and hope, to whom do we turn in these frightening times? The models for nonviolence and cooperation are everywhere too—it’s just harder for them to break through the Old Guard’s barriers without help from all of us who see the widespread injustices and looming catastrophes.
So, if you’re tired of seeing violence rewarded at every level of society while the rich get richer and just about everyone else gets poorer, don’t get in bed with the bad guys! Look for the people in your own community who recognize the threats to our environment and to humanity, and support their efforts. Free yourself from the corporate media.
While you’re at it, take a good look at current members of Congress. Identify, among both newer and established members of Congress, both female and male, Republican and Democrat, both those who are invested in the status quo, and those who will work to reform the corrupt structures endangering us all. Support the reformers, in and out of government. Our freedoms, our rights, our very lives are at stake.
And, for further ideas and opportunities, investigate organizations like Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom (and support engaging peace).
[i] Adapted from a case study published in Family Violence in the United States, by Hines, Malley-Morrison, & Dutton, 2nd ed.